Happy Monday, everyone. I wish I were here today with better news. There is really no easy way to say this either, but we had to say goodbye to Buttercup on Friday afternoon. When I wrote Friday’s blog, I wasn’t envisioning the day to turn out the way it did, and Aaron and I are still kind of trying to process it. In short, Buttercup had been going on hunger strikes for awhile, which was not super unusual for her. But, a couple of weeks ago, we took her in because she seemed pretty lethargic. At that visit, the vet said she could have arthritis, but she also had an elevated white blood cell count.
We went ahead and put her on pain medication to see if she would perk up. She did. So, we figured maybe she was just starting to slow down on us. Unfortunately, on Thursday, she stopped eating completely – and just wasn’t acting herself. We decided to go ahead and have some imaging done at the vet to rule out any masses. Unfortunately, the imaging showed that she had a hemangiosarcoma on her spleen, which had partially ruptured, and she had some internal bleeding.
Aaron called me from the vet, and we talked through our options. The vet told us they could operate on the tumor and remove her spleen, which would give her about two months. But, it was not the recommended option due to her age and the stress it would put her through. The other option was to put her down. Aaron and I made the devastating decision to say goodbye to Buttercup. It would have been selfish to try any other option, and I’ve always said we would make the best decision for our pets – even if it was the most difficult decision in the world for us.
She went peacefully at the vet office, but it doesn’t take away from the pain we feel about losing another member of our family. In fact, I really feel like I’m grieving the loss of both dogs all over again. Now that I’ve had a couple of days to digest the news, I really feel like Aaron and I both knew that Buttercup wouldn’t be around much longer after Sawyer died. They were truly a bonded pair, and she grieved our boy every day since he’s been gone. I really feel like she died of a broken heart.
If there is any consolation in any of this, it’s that I know that Sawyer and Buttercup are reunited: together like they always were. It doesn’t lessen the pain that Aaron and I feel on this side of heaven (and yes, I believe our pets go to heaven). We have always been a family of four: Aaron and Buttercup – and me and Sawyer. And, while the puppies have brought more healing to me over this last month that they will ever know, I still miss the dynamic duo we had in Sawyer and “Beans.”
Buttercup and I haven’t always seen eye to eye. She was gruff to Sawyer’s sweet. She was vocal to Sawyer’s quiet presence. She was strong while Sawyer was unathletic. But, she loved her people hard. She was our unofficial guard dog. I always felt safe and protected when Buttercup was around – and you always felt loved. She loved to swim, bark and play with her ball. She loved eating watermelon – and really any food except for her dog food. She was a big presence, that’s for sure, and we are feeling that gap right now.
Aaron and I took the weekend to regroup – and regather our thoughts. We stayed in. We snugged the puppies hard – and we took some time to try to heal. I still feel the loss of Sawyer in my soul some days. A memory will pop up – or I’ll see a dog that looks like him, and I’ll be reminded that he’s not here. And now, I’ve got two dogs to grieve. But, again, I’m so glad that Buttercup is with her Sawyer again.
I think we grieve their loss the hardest because they are the kindest, most pure souls. Never any judgement – just pure, unconditional love. The loss is immeasurable, but so is the love left behind. And, once again, our friends have come through. The kind messages of support, the cookies and flowers ease the sting of this loss.
So, while this isn’t my typical weekend recap – I truly hope that ya’ll have a wonderful week. I”m looking forward to working to distract myself – and I’m getting some plans on my schedule, which is always a helpful tool to get myself out of a funk!
